Dear Sarah Jane...
Even the best journalists have to slum it sometimes....Since Luke showed up, there have been a lot of extra expenses, and Sarah has found herself working on the side as an agony aunt to bring in a bit of extra cash. If you would like Sarah to help you with your problem, just email it to the usual address with "Dear Sarah" in the subject line!
Dear Sarah Jane,
My best friend and I used to be really close, but since she met her new boyfriend, I hardly see her at all, and when I do see her, she acts all weird towards me. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she denies anything is wrong. What's going on?
Distressed, in Liverpool
Dear Distressed,
I think I know what your problem is – your friend is under the influence of some form of hypnotism or mind control, or possibly possession. I've seen it many times before – the odd behaviour, the distant manner, the strange loyalty to a new person in town…
It seems to me that your friend's new boyfriend is probably some kind of alien, or a noncorporeal being inhabiting some hapless young man's body, and is planning to use your friend in some sort of evil scheme. Your best course of action now is to follow her boyfriend secretly so that you can work out what kind of alien he is, and then dispose of him accordingly.
For more information on how to do this, you may find my handbook, Yes, You Can Defeat An Alien Aggressor! helpful.*
Best of luck, and I hope that your friend's consciousness isn't irretrievably lost!
* Sarah Jane is not responsible for any distress, injury, possession, vaporisation, disappearance or death which occurs as a result of following her advice.
Dear Sarah Jane,
I have a job interview next week and I don't know what to wear. Should I wear a suit? Trousers or skirt? Please advise me!
Unsure, in Aberdeen
Dear Unsure,
I think you should wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. And if you're still having trouble deciding, a trick I've often found useful is opening my wardrobe, closing my eyes, putting on whatever comes to hand and not looking in a mirror until later.
Good luck with the interview!
Dear Sarah Jane,
I have had a life of adventure and excitement, and travelled a lot, but recently circumstance has forced me to stay in the same place, doing the same thing all the time. I am very happy to perform my duties and I understand why it is necessary, but sometimes I get bored and lonely.
I do have some friends, but they are always too busy having fun to come and spend time with me for more than a little while. How can I keep myself entertained?
Lonely, in A Black Hole
Dear K9,
I already got you the internet, didn't I? Isn't there a robot dog message board you could join, instead of spamming my problem page?
I know you're bored, but I do look in on you three times a day, and in case you've forgotten, I do actually have a job to do and a son to look after.
Look, I'll get Luke to come to you for some science lessons, all right? You like telling people things, and Luke likes learning, you'll have a great time.
Good dog!
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