Sarah Jane Smith's career - as both a journalist and as an adventurer - has been varied, exciting, and full of surprises. She's accumulated a wealth of experience and has a trick for dealing with almost any alien-type problem that might arise. For all her smarts, though, there are a few things she still hasn't quite managed to grasp.

Here are the top ten lessons that Sarah Jane really ought to have learned by now...


10 - Heels are not practical, especially for running away in


Sarah, to be fair, mostly has this one down now - she's barely out of her sensible flat boots. She has been known to wear the occasional pair of heels though - pretty though they are, we would recommend taking a pair of flats in your handbag - you never know when you'll need them!


9 - Stop forming attachments to world-destroying computers

At least until you’ve had them properly checked over, anyway. Giant robots designed for destruction, adorable as they may be, are not ideal friends, and even if they like you back it’s bound to end in tears. And definitely don’t let alien supercomputers just build themselves in your attic, that way disaster lies. At least make sure you know where the off switch is, in case of emergencies.


8 - Men who are interested in you romantically are never up to any good

Poor old Sarah – every time someone shows an interest, they turn out to be either evil on their own behalf, or controlled by some evil power. Whether she meets them in the supermarket, a pub in Romania or a favourite Italian restaurant, it won’t be long before they’re trying to have her done in. Best to swear off men altogether?


7 - Ghosts may well not be real, but every time you try to prove this, something terrifying will happen to you anyway

It’s all very well to scoff at ghost stories, but there’s no smoke without fire. Even when there turns out to be a perfectly logical, if alien, explanation for it all, you’ll still be scared out of your wits at least once before you work out what’s going on.


6 - You will never be able to do a story without it turning out to involve aliens

Sarah should stop pretending to be a ‘normal’ journalist, really – if there aren’t aliens involved when she starts investigating, there soon will be. She’s like a magnet for them. High school exam scandals, oil rig mysteries, stolen kids – no type of story is immune. She may as well accept her fate and the title of Paranormal Investigator now.


5 - When nosying in places you really shouldn’t be, remember to post a lookout

Rummaging through private papers and the like is par for the course when you're the kind of investigative journalist who doesn't mind getting into trouble now and then, but it really is a two-person job - one to do the rummaging, and another to keep an eye out for anyone approaching. Learning this would save a lot of being abducted by aliens or held at gunpoint.


4 - Invest in a decent home security system

The amount of times people – with intentions benign and otherwise – have just wandered straight into Sarah Jane’s house is truly shocking. She leaves windows and doors unlocked or open, she keeps a key under the most obvious plant pot by the door – you’d think that, with all of that irreplaceable equipment in there, not to mention keepsakes from years of thrilling adventures, she’d at least fork out for an alarm.


3 - 'We’ll work faster if we separate' is never a recipe for success

Always stick together, folks. If you don’t, one or all of you will almost certainly get captured, chased or otherwise inconvenienced by the bad guys. At least when there’s more of you there’s someone to provide a distraction while someone else works out how to escape. And especially don’t send children off on their own, even if they say it’s fine. For shame, Sarah Jane!


2 - Fake IDs never work

Whether it’s posing as her aunt to infiltrate secret organisations, leading a double life as a bank teller or trying to sneak into abbeys, Sarah has never managed to keep a false identity going for very long, although she seems to have plenty of them to choose from. Perhaps the force of her personality just can’t help escaping!


1 - When you say goodbye to the Doctor, it's never for the last time

Like a bad penny, he just keeps turning up, whether the world needs saving, a wedding needs crashing, or he just wants some company on a trip to Florana. Don't get nostalgic, you almost certainly haven't seen the last of him.



With thanks to Cleo, Kaite and Cara for their help with this one!